4 Jun 2011

The 100 million view curse.

100 million is a huge number. One couldn't possibly imagine 100 million people. It's more than the population of the UK, and we are packed in pretty tight here. Due to the ever increasing popularity of the internet, I've started seeing this number pop up on hit counters, particularly Youtube with its unfathomably large userbase. I have however noticed one thing in common with all the videos that have smashed the 100 million mark on Youtube - THEY ARE ALL FUCKING ATROCIOUS!. I don't just mean they are middle of the road, predictable, fashionable tat that comes and goes and doesn't really offer anything but cleverly marketed drivvel; I mean they are so nauseatingly, fantastically dire that just thinking about them evokes feelings of cold, empty, alienated depression akin to the feeling of losing a close friend to a terminal illness. If I were better with words, I could spend a lifetime describing the feeling I get when I see twice the population of the UK flock to something like this:


It really just makes me want to cry. Some people cry for the victims of earthquakes and tsunamis. I cry for the people who don't have the brainpower to see what is wrong with this. I cry for the artists, musicians and film makers who spend their lives barely getting noticed and I cry for the creators of this, who clearly have been possessed by the devil of shamelessness, fingered by the troll of desperation and dry fisted by the god of terrible ideas.


Someone has been able to quit their job on the strength of this shitstream of cunting abortion bile. Just consider that, the next time you're at your desk typing invoice numbers into a 15 year old computer, sat on a chair that served you up a fresh cocktail of IBS and piles, cold-calling helpless old ladies that don't even understand what your company sells, knowing that sneering twat of a boss is monitoring your calls so you can't even be honest and tell them it's a fucking scam. Just remember that one afternoon, some absolute twat with the most basic knowledge of animation and music thought they'd put together a video of farting babies singing in a bath, and was able to live comfortably without working. I'm not joking. 1 million hits with an ad can earn you a few grand, so 200 million hits with an ad and iTunes sales is going to set you on a merry journey to coinland. People get angry at Justin Bieber for being richer than they ever will be at 15 or however fucking old he is, well he's probably been doing that since the age of 2, pushed and pushed by a forceful dictator of a parent, and as a result has missed a proper childhood and will end up like Michael Jackson, a dead old weirdo. So forget him.

I've realised that the only other videos that I can find with over 100 million views are Bieber and that stupid Friday song (that was purposely made terrible to get people talking). So this post has petered out. I can't actually decide whether people really do have absolutely no taste and no idea how to spot when something is terrible, or it's just that a new level of terribleness has been invented (like post-terrible or terriblecore) and we're all just curious to find out how bad it could be. And it obviously works: Go Compare, Crazy Frog, Cillit Bang --all purposely marketed in the most horrifically awful way so that people would talk about them. There are laws and restrictions for use of explicit language, nudity and violence because some people get offended, how is this any different?

Edit: Here are some music videos that have smashed that 100 million boundary. Beiber has one at 0.6 BILLION hits, but I shan't post it. He doesn't even exist. Instead here are 3 song that sum up our generation of music buyers.







If anyone at any point in the future dares to look back at today's popular music scene with an appreciative nostalgic eye then I can't bare to imagine what new depths of shite we're heading for. I think we're due a music revolution, one without any money attached to it.

21 comments:

  1. I totally agree, but you put it into words much better than I could have done.

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  2. Im in love with your conviction. Marry me.

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  3. I agree with you 100%
    I really don't understand how some crap like the Friday song or fucking Bieber can get so many hits when some of us spend weeks, months, or even years working on something original to show them. Like you said, nobody will care about them eventually.

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  4. Jesus christ i kind wana jump off a cliff. But uno you should be proud that your out their making stuff which challenges that. I mean who would of thought that so many people would watch and enjoy your cartoon/films? There not exactly easily accessible. Basically - At least there's people are there that aren't fucking retarded.

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  5. Popularity is, was never an indication of quality or taste (think of the three great monotheisms). Parasites will always be present.

    I've been devouring your work since Salad Fingers found me in 2006 in the back of the computer lab of my South African all-girls high school. Thank you for all of the joy your animation continues to impart. Your imagination is special, your army swells every day. There is hope. x

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  6. Alas the world is full of idiots. YouTube and the like reminds you of this fact.

    To show support I will buy a SF t-shirt. Post haste!

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  7. Gah I wanted to die whilst watching these two videos, they are really terrible :(

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  8. Those videos were soul-searing. Thank you.

    Which reminds me, actually. Toastboy is still the most hideously nihilistic, sanity-blasting, nightmarish thing I've ever seen. The only thing that beats it for sheer depressive power is Requiem For A Dream, but R4aD's setting is so much chirpier that it fails to even come close on overall power.

    I still can't hear the words "Hello, there." without shuddering and getting vile beetle flashbacks. I cringe at "... feeling a bit peckish."

    Thank you, David. You have made my life more interesting, if slightly less comfortable.

    Any of you other mad sods reading this who haven't seen Toastboy... You lose. Go rectify this now.

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  9. :< I'm trying to make a living with internet videos http://youtube.com/leehardcastle
    Comme si, comme sa - i get by with paid work on the side. But recently i've been very tempted just as stated here, to make something so fucking SHITE it'll pay for a life time of kababs. Should I do it? Should I be thinking these deep dark thoughts? Send help.

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  10. that baby farting thing is one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen.

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  11. OK but you DID watch them, right? Along with everyone else here? Maybe it's time to be proactive in avoiding shit...

    Christ, I just read back over that. I mean, we really shouldn't have to go out of our way not be be violated in the senses.

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  12. @canped good point, I DID watch them. I noticed they kept appearing on the related links of my videos - which annoyed me. I watch a load of crap, and mostly ignore it, but it's hard to ignore the sheer popularity of such extreme crap. As far as I know, these videos weren't made popular by mass marketing, like most crap is, these became popular on the strength of their content which is the most worrying part.

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  13. @leehardcastle People often speak of selling their souls to the devil. Many great blues singers confessed to this. However I think what you're speaking of is the truest form of making a pact with the dark side. I don't believe in the religious form of Satan but I do believe that going against what you believe, doing something that you know is wrong for financial gain would be submitting yourself to evil.

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  14. I don't get so annoyed, up until the point I have to see the popular "thumbs up if" comments and realise I'm going to die alone.

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  15. Thank you for voicing this opinion properly, it's comforting to know there are people who share this viewpoint. It makes me so angry and disappointed with humanity when I see shit like this. Then there are the people who sing the songs as a joke, or do impressions 'ironically' which just makes me want to bash their heads together and scream, Wake up! Can't you see you're just as bad as THEM? Instead I lock myself away and watch your animations in the vain hope that one day there will be change, although unfortunately, I doubt it. I also want to say thank you sincerely, for the sanity I found in your work. That might sound a bit odd, but quite honestly, if it wasn’t for your art I would have gone completely nuts by now.

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  16. Download them, dub over with terrifying music and add subliminal messages, repost with the same title, tags, and description. Like shop-dropping. I did something similar with a vid of a military robot, except, ironically (in this context), dubbed it over with fart noises. I blame supermarkets for the decline in intelligence. Get Devvo to give away your dvds at supermarkets?

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  17. These made my ears bleed. I must say I get the exact same feelings when I watch this filth. Words cannot describe. It pretty much confirms my belief that there are a lot of incredibly stupid people out there. It makes me furious that shit like this is recognised at such a large scale, and talented artists are not. Then again, I doubt people who make this garbage would understand anything that didn't include shitty animation, fart jokes, and incredibly frustratingly annoying characters.

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  18. surely you of all people should be able to make a moronic-ironic video that will amass 100000000 views!? and then you could spend the money making meadow man to complete the circle? kind of.. laugh at the world and the world laughs with you then you'll be laughing all the way to the bank because he who laughs last laughs laughy laugh laugh. the word laugh is spelled strangely and is annoying when repeated.

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  19. The baby thing is a shitty piece of after effects, probably by someone in their first year of an animation degree at a shitty university, who thinks they're fucking incredible because they can cut out their friends heads in photoshop and put them on the body of a supermodel.

    Maybe the people making these videos are in fact, incredibly clever, for they sit back and watch the money come in whilst the scum of the earth sits and watches their shitty videos?

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  20. Although if you did replace the videos with cunting abortion bile, they would probably get more hits.

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  21. It wasn't until I read all the comments and decided to watch both videos... The farting babies? Oh my god someone just hack into youtube already and clear like half the videos from their servers?

    I think I can rightfully adue and respect, maybe even attribute to with my own feelings, that me and everyone else here commenting say, FUCK YOU, to the world. At least any general population that thinks this kind of shit is "funny and cute and YOU JUST GOTTA WATCH IT".

    I have friends that have time after time, bombarded me with stupid videos on youtube, sending me links over MSN messenger, and while you don't want to be rude to them, some of the videos on youtube are just retarded and you have to start getting mad at some point, because in reality, you are wasting electricity that will never be regained, it is spent energy you will never get back.

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